Shaman-o-capitalistic-hippie Trades Fat Salary For Time & Purpose
Musings on choosing the path of the heart in the age of technology
In my world of work, the pendulum swings and the polarity is stark. I straddle the line between two realms - the functional and the vibrational - with a firm foot planted in both. I’m both a Software Engineer AND an Artist of Love. I write code AND I hold space for vulnerability. My consciousness undulates between head and heart multiple times a day. Writing code earns me a living, and facilitating transformation makes me feel alive.
Over time, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I benefit from the patriarchal, capitalist system we’re all forced to be a part of. As it turns out, generosity is the antidote to greed. The money I earn from my corporate job gets intentionally distributed to artists, healers, and grassroots community initiatives that I believe in. I take advantage of the hand I’ve been dealt, and I put my dollars where I want to feel an impact. I’m devoted to being of service while living my life as vibrantly as possible.
Because of my tech job, I’ve been able to travel the world, go on epic adventures, invest in my own financial independence, and participate in trainings that have shaped who I am and what I have to offer. I’ve been able to afford body work and therapy, which has liberated soul and allowed me to expand beyond what I thought was possible. I get to live in my favorite city, San Francisco, in a safe and comfortable apartment. My blessings are countless, and the fear of losing it all is very real. Yet here I am, ready to let it all go in favor of the unknown.
I find myself at the threshold of letting go and leaning in, a familiar place. There is a deep longing in me to live a purposeful life, in devotion to the betterment of humanity and the alleviation of suffering. And all I need to do is say yes — To heed the call to be courageous. To honor the preciousness of time. To bet on myself. To act on my Truth.
Of course it’s uncomfortable, but I trust deep in my bones I trust that it’ll all be okay. The universe responds well to bravery.
Two things that I’ve come to believe: Major life transitions occur in response to either an external or internal stimulus, and chaos is the prerequisite for transformation.
While anything that forces us to change can be disruptive, at least the things that arise in the external world are comprehensible. People die and are born, fires and floods happen, jobs are lost and gained... The only constant is change, and this is what makes us so vulnerable as human beings. Life happens in spite of what we desire, think is best, or try to control. All we get to choose how we respond.
Oftentimes when there is peace in our external world, chaos will arise internally, seemingly out of nowhere. This is because the human soul loves to grow, and if it lacks a catalyst for growth, it’ll just make one up.
We’ve all experienced inner chaos before. It comes in the mask of anxiety, paranoia, addiction, or any other uncomfortable emotion that we would rather run from. It’s that small voice that whispers, speaks, then shouts from the dark corners of the heart, begging us to listen. In the past, this voice has said things to me like: “Leave your relationship” and “Eat the mushrooms” and “Shave your head”. Now, it’s yelling at me: “Quit your job!”.
Well, how inconvenient is that? My job is objectively great. Let me be really obvious here: I earn a lot of money and get to work whenever, from where ever, with unlimited paid time off. The work is by no means “hard”, at least when compared to work I’ve done farming or scrubbing toilets. Plus, I genuinely like [most] of the people I work with.
So many people dream of having a job like mine, and anyone in their right mind would keep it. Here I am being asked to let it die, not having a clue as to what’s waiting to be born. But personal transformation is all about letting things die - clearing the space and keeping it clear so that the universe can go to work filling it back up. As it turns out, what it fills up with and when is none of my damn business.
In order for me to take a leap of faith, it’s essential that my Mind, Body and Spirit are all on board. Otherwise it can feel like too much, too soon, all alone (the recipe for trauma), instead of just enough, over time, with support (the recipe for integration). Trust me, I’ve learned this the hard way. So, I leverage the powers of intention and ritual in order for all aspects of my being to feel safe and grounded.
To prepare to quit my job, my mind needed a checklist: Go to the dentist, buy a laptop, audit finances, etc. My body needed quiet time in nature, gentle movement, really hot showers and a few good cries. My spirit needed a ceremony to pray and give thanks. Slowly and gracefully, I gifted myself all of these things. Only once I felt totally at ease did I utter the words “I’m leaving”. At that point, the fruit was ripe and ready to fall all on its own.
There was no more fear because I had allowed myself ample time and space to integrate the new before letting go of the old. There were no more tears, only a deep seated sense of calm and soft smiles of celebration.
I’m so lucky to have friends, family and a partner who love, support and trust me. No one in my life holds me to any particular identity, and the people who are closest to my heart have learned to expect the unexpected. They love me unconditionally, and this allows me to transform again and again, without fear of becoming alienated and alone. I wish that everyone had such a deeply engrained sense of belonging.
As I rest into the web of interdependence that we’re all a part of, I let go. I trust that if I fall, I won’t fall far, and I already have what I need to pick myself back up. I am so excited to be alive right now, to love fiercely in every moment, and to be a humble servant to the planet and humanity.
This is not a dress rehearsal. There are no do-overs.
I’m young and able-bodied, now! I have life force energy pulsating through my every cell, now! I do not take these fundamental blessings for granted.
I magnetize abundance in all things, and I trust that money will come. Time is the only scarce resource, and I plan to suck the nectar out of every last drop of mine.
And now, this…
I’m currently based in San Francisco, where I offer 1-1 sessions, workshops and trainings that support deep healing and transformation. Find out more about what I’m up to on my website, and please reach out if you resonate and would like to connect. With love and gratitude.